Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Spreader of Light Darkens Our Wednesday Nights No More

I'm posting a pic of Renee cuz I thought she looked the best this week.
It could happen.
(And the CW hasn't put any pics from Australia up yet so we're stuck with this old one until they get their act together.).

While certainly feeling far more lighthearted than yesterday, perhaps just having noticed that my knees are as puffy as marshmallows (if you're not hip to my treadmill incident extraordinaire, click here and witness the horror) has brought my spirits down a notch. But I'm pretty sure that even if I was on Ecstacy, I might still be overwhelmed by the desire to slap Jael upside the head for deeming herself the Spreader of Light. That's treading on Jade territory, but it was almost forgivable when crap like that came out of Jade's mouth because her residence was in another solar system. I believe Jael actually lives on our planet (hell, she'd have to with all of that interest in grass touching, air breathing, and tree climbing), which makes it all the worse because you can see a faint glimmer of normalcy behind that clenched jaw of hers. Jade was a lost cause so she was just frustratingly good entertainment. Jael is merely frustrating.

On the other hand, Jaslene continues to be just a delight! If a Spreader of Light actually had to be declared, Jaslene would be it. She was just so darn earnest about how thrilled she was to travel to another country, having never been anywhere besides the 'hood and around the corner. And her little furrowed brow as she concentrated so darn hard to say her lines without cue cards just makes me want to put her in my bag (she'd probably fit in a carry-on) and take her to every country in the world.

Okay, back to the Ecstasy for a minute--is Tyra on crack or something? Did anyone else notice that something was seriously up with Ty Ty? First of all she broke with panel tradition and had no head scarf on which threw me all off because she's worn one in every single episode this season. And then, she was all wide eyed and wacked out one minute, talking like she was on speed, and then she was totally pissy and dour the next.

Maybe Tyra could pass some of her sudden mood swings on to April from cycle 2 who showed up to give the girls a lesson in broadcast correspondence. Can we get a couple of those paddles the docs in the ER use to bring coronary patients back to life with an electric jolt? That clip of her actually corresponding--and I use the term loosely--from some glorious beach was DEADLY. I might have preferred to watch Jael do some public speaking and we all know her voice makes me want to jam hot pokers into my ear drums. At least Jael is, well, alive. But I found that April looked a bit odd, like maybe she's had some *work done,* so perhaps she had passed away at some point and some Top Model Frankenstein brought her back to life by sewing rigid facial features back together. This might also be the explanation behind her dealthy dull interviewing style.

So before I pass out from thinking about April any further (although maybe Tyra has some something I can use to perk up), on to deliberations!

Brittany: Perhaps the worst job I've ever had was selling health club memberships. Every day I had to call lapsed members, coerce them, if not down right guilt them, into coming into the gym to look around again and hopefully rejoin. Most people feel extremely guilty about not exercising and when pressed, ramble on about their busy schedules. One day I was making my calls and listening to the usual excuses. About half way through my list, I called a woman and asked her why she hadn't been to the gym in a while. Her response: "Oh, I just got out of a coma." I paused. I paused some more. She laughed. I laughed too. "Oh," I chuckled, "that's a the best excuse I've ever heard!" She laughed some more, "I'm actually not kidding. I have been in a coma. I'm just laughing because it's a weird thing to tell people." Uh huh. "But I'd like to start exercising when I'm fully recovered. Can I call you then?" Sure. My point being, who freaking knew Brit had brain damage!? She still looks beautiful and really, if she wins, she does one cycle of those dumb Cover Girl spots and then she'll be lucky to get print work in a crafting magazine like April, so her short term memory problem shouldn't really be an issue past, say mid-2008.

Dionne: Eh. Not much to report on the Dionne front tonight. No great zingers unless you count her use of "mumbo jumbo," but that's not all that thrilling and neither was anything she did this evening.

Jael: She looked oddly good in that blue wig as she was making her exit. Or maybe I was just really excited to see her go.

Jaslene: Oh, my little skinny Janice Dickinson! She's coming back. That would be Jaslene who's coming back, not Janice. Although Janice hasn't appeared this cycle--it might be time. But she's probably so busy with what I believe to be her fake, made-for-TV modeling agency, that she probably doesn't have time.

Natasha: I don't know if I thought her commercial was the best, but it was pretty damn good all considering. Plus I was pretty impressed with her correspondence and her use of Aussie slang. And speaking of Aussies, I haven't commented on Sydney as Top Model's foreign locale. Pretty cool although Tyra's bunny suit appearance was the lamest travel announcement yet. It was oddly lacking in build up and climax, aside from Natasha's strangely endearing delayed reaction. At least Tyra didn't try to convince everyone that Sydney is a fashion capitol. The Aussies always seem to be more about fashion insanity than fashion sense.

Renee: Did Jael spread some light on Renee or something? I think she looked absolutely gorgeous in her commercial and while her delivery was a bit aggressive and boyish, her accent wasn't bad and she really did have good energy. I don't know...I'm sensing Renee could be sticking around down under.

Until next week, you are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model!

Hey--no scenes for next week's episode! That usually indicates the rather dull recap episode. Grrr.


Cowbelle said...

I totally noticed Tyra being all speedy! And I am super glad Jael is gone. I'm kind of loving everyone else and don't know who should go home next week. The horror!

Also, I think it was a kangaroo suit, no?

gigi said...

Yeah, it was a kangaroo suit, but I loved how Renee said that she could see the human side of Tyra even while she was in a ratty old bunny suit. So many levels of comedy.

I'm always oddly horrible at predicting the final three but I might be leaning towards Dionne getting the heave ho next. Although it could be Jaslene if she can't get it together. They all love Natasha, so she's staying; Brit is consistently beautiful, although they may ding her if her short term memory loss dogs her again; and Renee could go but she's looking pretty good and Twiggy adores her.

Any predictions welcome!

Cowbelle said...

Your humor is too complex for my morning brain.

Isn't this the part of the competition where they are going to pretend to care about communication skills and stuff?

I say Brit and Natasha in final 3 for sure. Beyond that I don't know.

gigi said...

Oh yes-now will be the time when the judges really hash over who will make the best Cover Girl, which is a total drag. I miss cycles 1 and 2 when the show was actually about--crazy as it may seem--fashion and modeling and not who will make an easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.

I'm stymied by reading Mr. Jay's brief interview in People that someone he was positive would be in the final three doesn't make it.It seems like, as you say, Brit and Natasha are shoe-ins, so does that mean it's one of them who gets canned before the finale?

alisa said...

Sadly, I am less and less impressed by Brit every episode. We will be seeing her have a complete meltdown pretty soon. I am putting it out there now: I think Renee will win it all. She has gone through the most dramatic transformation from a mean, scrappy little bitch into a wonderful Tyra-riffic swan. Ahhhh.

As for the others:

Dione: Just doesn't do anything for me. Not even in the back of the limo kissing a chick, and that is saying something.

Jaslene: I know you love her, but she's too Jaslene-From-The-Block. Not cosmopolitan model-y enough, and I don't think she's getting that fast enough.

Natasha: If she wins it all, I am never watching this show again. Is there an ounce of authenticity anywhere?

So, I say Renee, Natasha and Britt in the final three, with Renee the wiener! I mean winner!

gigi said...

I do feel like Brit is to whom Mr. Jay is referring re: the one he was sure would make it to the final three and doesn't. If that's the case, I do believe your prediction that Renee might be the big weiner might be accurate. However, I'll say this for Jaslene--if she makes it to the final two, she's the only one who knows how to walk. However, Renee seems to be the most articulate of the bunch (not that the bar is particularly high) and Cover Girl loves a girl who can spit out a sentence without tripping over her words.

sianwu said...

ok, just managed to watch this online last night, and omg i am so happy jael is outta there. I wanted to scream and slap her upside the head when she wandered off to touch the grass and climb the trees! And btw, if Tyra was on crack at the judging, then Jael was on meth. Did you see how twitchy and wigged out she was? If there were a fashion magazine for meth addicts I'm sure they'd put Jael on the cover. I think the next real episode (not the crappy recap) they'll go on go-sees, in which case the one with the most lackluster in person impression will go--so that'd be...Dionne or Jaslene? I thought Dionne was gorgeous in the commercial, though. Renee will do well in the go-see challenge, and I think it'll be Britney and Renee for final 2. We shall see!