Tuesday, April 17, 2007

A Sad State of Affairs

I'm feeling kinda lackluster today. Actually, I'm feeling downright sullen. While my left hand seems to be on the mend (hence my typing this despite my self-imposed spot on the DL), my knees are still an oozing, painful mess of nonbendingess, and watching the stupid PCDs learn some of the worst choreography I've ever seen didn't help matters much. I'm sure the sugar I had in the form of the ice cream I had for dinner hasn't helped either, but you know how it goes. If you can't go to the gym, you might as well eat. Why I can't ever do it the sensible way is beyond me: if exercising less, eat less. It's like my brain only operates on some inverse proportion. I eat less when I'm working out regularly and the minute there's no activity in the foreseeable future, I go right for the Ben & Jerry's. I might feel better if Anastacia was still on the show, binging on hotel room service desserts. Misery does love company.

Alas, Anastacia is nowhere to be found and in my please-pass-the-Zoloft state, I just can't get it up for comically commenting on the PCDs today. I just don't think I have it in me.

I did, however, have it in me to jot down a few notes:

- Chelsea has perfected a really bitchin' nostril flare. Remember when she was a really good mad inhaler? Now she's a really good incensed nostril flarer (like when she can't get choreography and Mikey berates her).

- You had to know that the only national air time that ridiculous Secret Scent Expressions commercial of Asia's was going to get was sandwiched between two Search for the Next Doll segments on the CW. And how cheap was that thing? It wasn't even film. It was slapped together in video amidst a montage of Asia's footage from the show. Sad state, fo' sho'.

- Robin has got to be lying through her ass every time she tells the girls how great they are, right? I mean tonight, after a two minute dance, which I repeat, consisted of some of the worst choreography I've ever seen, she was all like "You could all be PCDs right now!" Are you kidding me? Maybe I haven't laid eyes on the real PCDs enough to form a solid opinion of their dancing abilities, but the little I've caught in videos doesn't make it look like they're ready for Asia, Mel R., Mel S., or Chelsea. Or should I say, I don't think those four girls are ready for the real PCDs. But what do I know? I can't stop looking at my knees. Maybe I missed something. Or maybe since they only danced for like two minutes and all they had to do was pop and circle their hips, I missed the subtle nuances of the number.

- Did anyone else notice that during Chelsea's copycat performance of Xtina's What a Girl Wants, Ron Fair's face looked like he was attempting a Vulcan Mind Meld? Perhaps he was trying to will Chelsea to sing a song without imitating Christina's every vocal move. But kudos to Chelsea cuz copying Ms. Aguilera's voice isn't all that easy. So if that's all you can accomplish in your singing life, things could be worse. Plus. I gotta admit that Chelsea looked A-dorable in that pony tail. Hair back and bangs long is a good look for her. Stu thought she was Shannon Doherty. Worked for Shannon too. Damn those girls with straight hair and bangs! Oh jeez, maybe I do need an anti-depressant. I never wish for straight hair. Well, almost never. Only on rare occasions when someone looks really good in bangs and a long straight pony tail and I know this is a look I will never be able to achieve.

- My career advice for Mel. S is to go be a Jennifer Aniston look alike somewhere. Does anyone else see it?

- If the Search for the Next Doll had a suggestion box, I would suggest that Asia never tie her pink boa around her waist again. It seems like an insult to the significance Robin has imposed upon the boa. And it just looks really, really stupid.

- OMG, the finale is NEXT WEEK. Thank fucking god. We all know Mel. R is going win this thing, dubious honor though that may be.

Until next week, loosen your buttons and fling your boas around, but please, I beg of you, don't ever tie them around your waists.

And as for my sad and sorry state, I should perk up tomorrow since the Top Models are traveling! That always puts a spring in my step. But why, oh why, did they give away the location in tonight's promos? The whole fun of the traveling episode is to wait to find out where they're going. No worries, mate. Maybe they'll got sponsorship from Outback Steakhouse.

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