Wreckage and Carnage Was Never This Dull

I gotta tell ya, there was more excitement and better executed choreography in the ten minutes of The Day After Tomorrow that I watched on FX while eating dinner, than there was in this hour of The Search for the Next Doll. Sure, I'm a sucker for a disaster flick, but you know I'm an even bigger sucker for "the dance," so why on earth does this show bore the holy hell outta me?

Perhaps because it's BORING. Even during the performances, when the girls are allegedly giving it their PCD all, they still look like detritus floating about the stage like drowning luggage on the Titanic. And--I'm digressing because at this point I have so little to say about tonight's episode and so much to say about a supposedly unsinkable cruise liner--I should mention that I'm also a Titanic FREAK. And I don't just mean the movie, which I love because there is some fabulous wreckage and carnage to behold in those three hours, but I mean the actual ship and the historic event. One time, my awesome friend K. took me to the Titanic exhibit where I got to TOUCH A PIECE OF THE BOAT. The ACTUAL SHIP. The ACTUAL TITANIC. I almost passed out. Screw dancing on stage with the Pussycat Dolls, I freakin' touched a piece of the TITANIC! With my hand. My finger actually touched a piece of the boat. The boat that's been at the bottom of the ocean since 1912. That might have been one of the best birthday presents EVER.

So speaking of sinking ships...how about that Anastacia?! Within the first five minutes of tonight's show, I wrote down: "Anastacia knew that either she our Mariela would make it to the finals? And she's making a big fuss about losing weight but not starving herself, then saying sometimes she just wants to put on a regular t-shirt and no make up? Hmmm...Might Anastacia be going home tonight?" Hey, what'd'ya know? Off she went. Ho hum.

Meanwhile there was tons of Melissa R. footage which there usually isn't. Suddenly we're getting to know her emotional and moral side which can only mean that she's sticking around for a while. I called that one in my first PCD post. Next.

Chelsea, the only one who can sing worth a damn but can't dance to save her life, was relegated to a swing and a couch while the other girls draped themselves over a bar. I'll give the girl credit for working her lack of choreography. But yeah yeah yeah, every week she gets dinged for weak dancing. Talk to the hand.

Asia continues to bug and her damn fingers never stop tapping the damn mic. 'Nuff said.

Melissa S. despite her mantra of "no bottom two, no bottom two," ended up--where else--in the bottom two! Quelle surprise.

Here's what did surprise me--that Robin commended them for kicking it old school. They did no such thing. They're too young to know what Big Spender should look like and I don't think they got the burlesque style at all. Whatev.

The best part of the whole thing was Mikey yelling at Melissa R., "Are you wearing your boob pads?! How many times do I have to tell you to wear your boob pads?!" Clearly, not nearly enough, cuz either we'd be far more entertained or Melissa R. would look like she had some cleavage.

OMG, I am so bored by this show that repeatedly bashing my head against our glass coffee table until skin breaks and blood oozes across the clear surface would be far more engaging and enjoyable.

But yeah, I'm still gonna watch cuz by now, I gotta see who wins this stupid thing. I'm just gonna pray that the Pussycats NEVER need to search for another doll. And I'm gonna hope that next week The Poseidon Adventure or The Towering Inferno is on at the same time. Excitement needs to come from somewhere and it sure as hell isn't coming from the Pussycat Doll Lounge.

Until next week, loosen up those buttons and fling those pink boas. Jeez, I'm so bored, I can't even muster up the energy to end that sentence with my usual "baby" and an exclamation point. Good grief.